


what that felt like (and how to remember)

by SinkorSwim



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coffee Shops, Destiel - Freeform, Fluff, Happy Ending, Jesus - Freeform, M/M, Multi, References to Homophobia, also dean is not at all like dean, and this is just supes crappy and rushed ah well, mild homophobia, sad!dean, shmoopy, stupid!sam, wasnt feeling this one at all sorry its not that good, writer!Cas, yeah whatever im done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-31
Updated: 2013-03-31
Packaged: 2017-12-07 01:36:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/742645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinkorSwim/pseuds/SinkorSwim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>when dean is 15 years old he tells his dad that he is gay.</p><p>and it doesn’t really hurt when his dad slaps him hard across the face</p><p>and tells him to leave and never come back.</p><p>or,</p><p>the one where dean works at Ellen's coffee shop and sees a lovely blue eyed man</p>
            </blockquote>





	what that felt like (and how to remember)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nameru](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nameru/gifts).



> this is really bad idk was not feeling it
> 
> also unedited because i have strep throat and maybe also bronchitis so yay for me

****

when dean is 15 years old he tells his dad that he is gay.

****

and it doesn’t really hurt when his dad slaps him hard across the face

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and tells him to leave and never come back.

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no, what hurts is that while dean is walking away,

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with all of his belongings slung over his back,

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Sam doesn’t even try to stop him.

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(dean should have realized he always loved that kid more than the kid loved him)

____

****

days.

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months.

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years.

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they pass.

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and dean hasn’t heard from his brother or his father.

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(he doesn’t miss them, really he doesn’t)

****

____

****

dean finds a job at this small coffee shop 3 states away from his

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home.

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well.

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from a place he used to call home.

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it’s small and the pays shit,

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but at least he has someone to talk to.

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even if it’s just the owner, a tough woman name ellen, and her daughter, jo.

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(and it’s not like he sees them very much, but when he does all he can hear in his head is _family_ )

____

****

so dean works.

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and yeah maybe he does look up whenever someone comes in

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Just in case it turned out to be sammy or even his dad 

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even though he knows it won't ever be

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so he works.

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(almost constantly)

______

****

and then one day everything changes.

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the bell rings

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and dean looks up

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and instead of dashed hopes

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and broken hearts,

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his breath catches

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and his stomach flutters.

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and oh.

****

(dean just might be in love with a five o’clock shadow and stormy grey eyes)

_____

****

the next time dean sees grey eyes is 3 weeks later.

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he had found out from jo that his name was cas

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and that he’s a writer

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and that, oh god,

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he’s a regular.

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(dean’s never been lucky, but he thinks maybe that’s about to change)

____

****

and so

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everyday cas orders his black coffee

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and dean watches him with a pout

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because,

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cas is really really, hot.

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and jo and ellen tease and tell him to just

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do something because what’s the worst that could happen?

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but he doesn’t risk it.

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(he’s never told them that no one ever loves him as much as he loves them)

____

 

one day dean works up the courage to go over to grey eyes.

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and cas looks and dean just thinks damn

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because he got it all wrong

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cas’ eyes aren’t stormy and grey

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they are bright and blue

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and oh god they are the like

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sky right after a rain storm

 

or the ocean after a tsunami.

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dean sets down cas’ coffee and doesn’t wait for a thank you,

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trips over his feet trying to make it back to the counter.

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(because the counter is safety for him, and because it faces away from those prying blue eyes)

____

****

and then one day cas asks him if he could, just for a moment, sit with him.

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so dean cautiously sits down across from blue eyes.

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and at first it’s awkward.

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and they can’t stop talking over each other and then stopping and say

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no really you go ahead, I was interrupting

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and then cas just throws his hands in the air and says

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_dean I would very much like to take you out._

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and dean nearly has has a panic attack because

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someone actually wants to sit with him

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to talk with him

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to be with him.

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dean hadn’t remembered what that felt like.

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(he says yes, he would say yes a thousand times over)

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____

 

and so they change and grow and cas never leaves and never tells dean to get out.

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(no matter how much dean is expecting it)

____

****

the day dean tells cas about his family is the day cas kisses him.

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it’s harder to say it out loud then he thought it would be.

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it’s hard to talk about how his father stopped wanting him

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and how his brother was too ashamed to even try to want him.

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and it’s especially hard to admit that dean thought the whole world was shit and dull,

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until he saw cas’ grey-blue eyes.

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(and maybe it’s a bit cliche, but dean can’t bring himself to care)

____

****

dean teaches cas how to make coffee and tea and the little sandwiches that the shop sells.

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cas teaches dean that not everyone has hatred in them that out weighs the love

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(teaches him that some people are truly and purely good)

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____

 

and one day

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finally so many years later.

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dean is standing in between cas’ legs on the counter.

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and nuzzles into his neck.

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and the bell over the door rings.

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(if dean ever thought he wouldn’t be able to forgive his brother, he was completely wrong)

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____

****

Fin.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> yeah i know. 
> 
> I TRIED OK? I SHIP DESTIEL SO HARD AND I /CANNOT/ FOR THE LIFE OF ME WRITE THEM IDK
> 
> iwishiwashiscompanion.tumblr.com


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